In the second part of my series on surviving the twilight saga I have decided to share a few of my favourite ways to avoid being sucked into watching the movie for the 50th time or even too avoid actually having too read the books.
Mistwirection- There was a time when sitting still would cover you for long periods of time on your Xbox the problem these days is that the standard twihard has evolved from its T-rex stage and can now see you over the corner of the book regardless of your ability to sit like a ninja on sleeping pills. This forces us gamers to come up with new distractions, now here’s where you play the Robsession card. Thanks to the films twihards can be left mesmerised by the sight of one Robert Pattison and can only see you if you come between his picture and their face.
I recommend something similar to this prototype voodoo rob as shown below
Remember you can substitute Robs head with one of his fellow co stars for a similar effect....
WARNING: never try to replace the head with that of Bella, even with a vibrator inside the body to replicate the fucking twitching all tests concluded in destruction of the doll and loss of my Xbox privileges.
Twypnosis – memorise a few key phrases from the books, you don’t have to get it right. Paraphrase if necessary the trick is certain magic words, anything featuring lions and lambs will do also around dinner time you can try repeatedly asking for fork. The twihard will instantly become glazed over and will instantly feel the need to search out and read the nearest book.
Twibaiting - finally as a last ditch attempt you can say something derogatory about twilight, forcing the twihard to leave the room in disgust. This method should only ever be used in extreme circumstances as it can cause twihards to pounce on you with a ferocity not seen since last month’s period.
Good luck and happy gaming people
And Im sorry this wasnt placed immediately, But its up now - and thats what matters.
